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Another long silence. I know the silence makes many wonder and worry.  I’m sorry for that.  In this case, in addition to dealing with the usual medical ups and downs (mostly downs at this point), I was simply busy with the holidays, lots of family visiting and staying with us, and throwing myself a 41st birthday party in our newly combined and renovated apartment.  All of these events that carry with them symbolic acts of living and life revolved around not just family and friends, but also this special place I worked so hard to create – home.  Ironically, even my medical developments seemed to resonate with the sense of coming home.

A week after my last blog post, scans showed that I had failed the clinical trial I had been on at Memorial Sloan Kettering (or more accurately, the trial had failed me). They revealed growth in abdominal lymph nodes and two new lesions on my liver (which I suppose is preferable to new lesions in my liver).  The news was, while not unexpected, still upsetting, because I now have involvement in another vital organ, another way by which the cancer could actually kill me.  Will it be my lungs or my liver?  There was some shrinkage and some growth in my lungs, so the thoracic tumors were overall unchanged.  I lost my hair for that awful trial, suffered unbelievable fatigue, underwent that atrocious lung biopsy and for what?  Absolutely nothing!  I was kicked off the trial for progression, although I ran first, so I like to think I kicked it.  More